I was every bully’s wet dream.

I didn’t know how to communicate.
I was a small Asian guy.
I had no friends.
I was skinny.

This cocktail of personal traits made me the perfect victim for every bully. And that’s exactly what happened to me for the first 12 years of my life.

I got beaten up, made fun of, you name it. This only stopped because I transitioned from primary school to high school. I purposefully chose a school where the bullies were not going.

Unfortunately, that was not the end of my suffering.

The years of bullying left a trauma behind. I was in a constant state of fight or flight mode, scared that I would experience the same as during my primary school days.

Luckily, that didn’t happen. But to say that I lacked confidence is an understatement.

I had some friends, but no one respected me. They could sense my insecurity and lack of confidence from a mile away.

Making friends was hard, and getting attention from women seemed impossible.

But somehow, I was blessed with a belief that I could change this.

I began researching online on YouTube (back when YouTube was in its early stages) and stumbled upon self-improvement. This marked the beginning of my transformation.

In all honesty, I didn’t start working out to solve my insecurity. My insecurity stemmed from my inability to be social. I tackled that problem first (which I’ll go into detail about in another post).

But I always had a passion for fitness.

To make a long story short, I just wanted to look like Goku and was amazed to discover that you could build muscle simply by lifting weights.

So that’s exactly what I did 14.7 years ago.

I didn’t start working out to gain confidence or seek approval from others. I just wanted to look like my favorite anime character, Goku.

The byproduct of getting in shape developed a deep sense of self-confidence that I couldn’t find elsewhere.

Most people think that it’s the way you look that develops confidence. That is only partially true.

If your confidence relies 100% on your looks, you will be in big trouble.

Here are the real reasons why working out helps develop confidence:

People treat you with respect

People respect things that are hard and difficult to achieve. Wealth, money, a hard skill—these are respected because they require significant effort and time.

Fitness is unique because the effort you put into it is instantly visible. Hence, you don’t have to earn respect; people instantly respect the effort you put in.

It’s much easier to be confident when people treat you with dignity, especially if you’re used to being disrespected.

It might seem superficial, and I admit it is. But that’s just the world we live in.

You are an anomaly

Although it is great advice not to compare yourself to others, it is practically impossible to completely avoid comparing yourself.

This is becoming increasingly difficult because social media is so popular nowadays.

That being said, knowing that you are an anomaly can boost your confidence significantly.

Don’t get me wrong—it’s not that you are walking around thinking that you are better than everyone else.

It’s the feeling you get from knowing you have achieved something that so few people in this world have achieved.

Just a small percentage of people are truly fit, and this is especially true for older individuals.

Most men have beer bellies.

Most men don’t exercise at all.

And those who do exercise often don’t see significant results because they are doing many things incorrectly.

Social media might lead you to believe that the whole world is filled with fitness models, but that is far from the truth.

Maybe only 3% of people my age are actually fit, and an even lower percentage actually looks like they lift.

Massive Amounts of Self-Reliance

Now let’s shift from external sources of confidence to the most potent and powerful source: inner confidence.

One key component of inner confidence comes from relying on and believing in yourself. Believing in yourself and your ability to achieve whatever you set your mind to is crucial, and fitness and working out are excellent ways to cultivate this inner confidence.

Think about it: nobody truly cares about your health until a crisis occurs. Nobody really notices how your body looks until you become significantly overweight. Even if they do care, there isn’t anyone on earth who can do the work for you.

You have to do it yourself, relying on yourself to lift weights or stick to a diet.

If you’re striving for the best possible physique you can achieve, you’ll need to rely on yourself so much that you’ll have to say no to:

• Nights out
• Drinking alcohol
• Eating birthday cakes

Don’t you think that by doing this, you’ll gradually develop a mindset that’s less concerned with what others think? And not caring what others think is directly linked to confidence.

Here’s the best part: all the days you had to rely on yourself are physically manifested as muscle. In other words, you carry the results of your self-reliance with you wherever you go.

Women are more open to talk to you

Whether you like it or not, some of our confidence as men does come from the validation we get from women.

You often see online movements telling men not to seek validation from women or promoting so-called “sigma male grindset” philosophies. But the truth is, as humans, we’re wired to seek validation and attract the opposite sex. We’re not monks, after all.

That said, women are definitely more open to talking to you when you’re fit.

Does that mean you’re automatically more attractive? Yes and no.

Yes, because a fit physique helps you pass the initial physical attraction phase. But no, if your personality is lacking and your confidence is low. You can have the best looks in the world, but if you’re insecure to the point where it’s obvious, you won’t stand a chance.

The first thing a woman (or anyone) notices is your physique and appearance. If you look overweight and unkempt, that’s the impression you’ll make.

On the other hand, if you look clean and fit, she’ll be more receptive to talking to you.

Love it or hate it, that’s just the world we live in.

Conclusion

At the end of the day, it’s absolutely possible to build confidence without being fit or working out. But let’s be real—it makes it a hell of a lot harder.

Without fitness, the world tends to treat you with less respect. You might not feel special or unique because you blend in with everyone else. You probably haven’t achieved something that’s truly important to you, something you had to rely on yourself to attain.

And let’s be honest: women are generally more open to talking to you if you’re at least decently fit.

I’m not saying that you can’t be confident or become confident without hitting the gym. What I am saying is that it’s significantly harder. The world can be a lot tougher on you if you’re treated like an invisible wall.

Imagine already struggling with low confidence and then being treated with less respect and ignored by most. That’s not fun at all.

Getting fit is the simplest (though not the easiest) way to build genuine confidence—not the superficial kind often showcased on social media, but real inner confidence.